Redefining Happiness

As believers, we have a clear, overriding choice for our lives - to seek to obey God in all things, or to somehow think that the pleasures of "sin for a season," to which the Bible refers in the King James Version, will satisfy us. In Proverbs 14, we read:
12 There is a way that seems right to a man, But its end is the way of death.
13 Even in laughter the heart may sorrow, And the end of mirth may be grief.
14 The backslider in heart will be filled with his own ways, But a good man will be satisfied from above.

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In Proverbs 13, we see the contrast between following God's way and following the desires of the world:
14 The law of the wise is a fountain of life, To turn one away from the snares of death.
15 Good understanding gains favor, But the way of the unfaithful is hard.
16 Every prudent man acts with knowledge, But a fool lays open his folly.

I hope that Valentine's Day weekend was special for you.  The weekend box office estimates have been posted on Box Office Mojo, and, no surprise, 50 Shades of Grey ruled the numbers, with an almost $94.4 million take, according to those estimates.  And, what about a movie with a different view of love and male-female relationships, Old Fashioned?  Just over $1.1 million for the 4-day weekend.

But, don't let those overall numbers fool you - Old Fashioned actually had a better per-screen average, at over an estimated $5000, than some of the "big" films in multiplexes these days!  So, there was a significant number of votes for this exploration of chivalry, a contrast to the exploitation that is present in 50 Shades.

I found Old Fashioned to be quirky but endearing, a movie that really works through some of the issues of dating and relationships - Clay, the main character, is conflicted...God did a work in his life a few years before he meets Amber, who has moved from town-to-town in search of, well, home. Nothing seems to satisfy her.  But, she's intrigued by Clay's rules about women - such as the fact he'll never allow himself to be one-on-one with a woman in the same room.  And, when they do "go out," they start going through a marital counseling book, presumably so they'll learn some things about each other.   But, Old Fashioned becomes a study of two broken people who are attempting to work out their flaws and foibles in a meaningful, eventually God-honoring way.  These are not plastic people - Clay and Amber are verbalizing some of the thoughts that could just be destructive strongholds if left unspoken.

Rik Swartzwelder, who plays Clay and directed the film, told Beliefnet that he was working on the screenplay of the film even before 50 Shades was published,  He added:

We were just telling a love story but, when we finished the film and we were looking at release windows we saw that opportunity…It’s not to condemn, not to judge but to try and broaden the cultural conversation, to sort of ask “What do we really want in love and romance? What do we believe about love. What do we believe about love being something sacred? What do we long for in our own hearts, not just for ourselves but for our sons and daughters? What kind of legacy do we want to leave to them? (We want) to ask those questions and have those discussions because, make no mistake, the stuff that we lift up culturally is the stuff people will follow.

Contrast the purity of the love story portrayed in Old Fashioned with the perversion that is present in 50 Shades.  A LifeSiteNews.com piece by Jonathon Van Maren quotes researcher Dr. Gail Dines, who relates that when speaking to groups of women who loved the book, they all grow deathly silent when she asks them two simple questions: Would you want your daughter to be in a relationship with Christian Grey? Would you want your son to turn into Christian Grey?

He adds, "If the answer is yes to either of those, someone should call social services."

Another LifeSiteNews.com feature, by John Jalsevac, features this quote:

“...Mass appreciation doesn't always equate to something good. Think of Hitler! But I think, in this case, it must. It simply must. There's got to be merit in it if so many people agree.”

Another quote said, "I don’t want my family to see it, because it’s inappropriate. Or my brother’s friends that I grew up with..."

I think these quotes are instructive, because they are from the two leads in 50 Shades of Gray, Jamie Dornan (from Elle) and Dakota Johnson (from Glamour).  They both related the displeasure they experienced while shooting the film.  But, honestly, this is what they signed up for, and I would contend their eyes were wide open, perhaps clouded with dollar signs, but this will now be part of their screen legacy.

Jalsevac writes:

In other words, Dornan, after spending months immersing himself in the story and the character of Christian Grey, still has absolutely no idea why anybody would ever actually like the books – and kind of, sort of, possibly thinks that maybe the same dynamic could be at work as what made Hitler a thing: or at the very least, has been forced to fall back on sheer blind faith that the fans of the books have actually found something positive in them.

Jalsevac suggests to those considering watching the movie, "...maybe you should think about asking yourselves why the two people who were tasked with playing out your fantasy seem to think that that fantasy is more akin to a nightmare than a daydream.

And then perhaps spend a few minutes pondering what ever went so horribly wrong that millions of us have apparently accepted this kind of lurid, nightmarish fantasy as a desirable, or at least acceptable form of escapism."

What's horribly wrong is that we have redefined happiness.  And, our view of what makes a pleasing relationship has become so skewed away from God's prescription.  Think about the perversion of God's truth that we have encountered just in the past week in our state - people are seeking to get their needs met by engaging in abhorrent sexual activity.  And, no matter what you might call it: homosexuality, bisexuality, adultery, misogyny, abuse, the list goes on - as a culture, we have left the reservation of purity and adopted an "anything goes" mentality.

Clay in Old Fashioned is clumsily trying to restore a sense of purity or chivalry.  Amber doesn't know what she wants, but something apparently deep down is longing for a man who respects her. Respect - that's a foreign concept for Grey in 50 Shades.  And, Anastasia believes that in order to have a fulfilling relationship with the man she thinks she wants, she has to submit herself to all sorts of harmful submissive behaviors.  When we leave the path, we open ourselves up to all sorts of wayward, destructive ideas.

We have to place ourselves in a position of wanting what God wants, no matter what.  The Bible says that the way of the transgressor is hard.  We can choose to walk in His light, to give ourselves to the pursuit of His ways, or depart from His will and open ourselves up to the consequences of unrighteousness.   We are challenged to walk in the Spirit, so that we do not fulfill the sinful desires that can overtake us and make our lives miserable.