Going the Distance

One of the keys to spiritual growth is to recognize the hand of God, even in our trials, recognizing
that He will produce perseverance in us, even though our tribulations. Here is what Romans 5 says:
3 And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance;
4 and perseverance, character; and character, hope.
5 Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

God is working in our lives, and perseverance comes as we submit ourselves to Him and develop the proper attitude toward our trials.  When tribulation comes to us individually, or to a marriage or family, or to a church, it's important that we turn to the Lord and allow Him to teach us and strengthen us.   There may be an assault by the enemy, and we have to put on God's armor and utilize those spiritual tools in order to fight Satan and his forces.  As we depend on God, we will see His express His character through our lives.

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In 1st Chronicles 16, David offered thanksgiving for God's faithfulness, and encouraged God's people to seek Him continually:
8 Oh, give thanks to the Lord! Call upon His name; Make known His deeds among the peoples!
9 Sing to Him, sing psalms to Him; Talk of all His wondrous works!
10 Glory in His holy name; Let the hearts of those rejoice who seek the Lord!
11 Seek the Lord and His strength; Seek His face evermore!

Richard Baughman is 97 years old. His wife, Arlene is 96. They got married in 1940 - two years before World War II - and, as a story on the Christian Today website states: "until now they remain as deeply in love and committed to each other as during their first day together as husband and wife."

The Baughmans were featured in TIME Magazine and other news sources after they told a local outlet that they had never had a fight during their 75 years of marriage.  Their secret?

Communication!  Richard says, "If we had differences we just talked about it."

And...resolve! Arlene joked, "We always said, we didn't have dishes to throw or shoes to throw because we couldn't afford it. So, we had to get along!" She referred to money being scarce in the pre-war era right after the Great Depression.

Richard got drafted in 1942 for the war, only a few weeks after the birth of their first son.  Arlene relates, "There was no way of getting in touch with him. Letters were scare so we hardly knew how he was or where he was."  After 14 months, he returned to their home in Wisconsin.

Richard said, "That was the most wonderful time of my life...To think I could come home to my wife and children."  But, he was troubled by the memories of war, including bad dreams.

The couple stuck together, facing issues such as Richard's post-traumatic stress disorder and the death of their eldest son.

Arlene said, "Without him, I don't know what I would have done, I wouldn't have made it."  Richard commented, "I'm still in love with her, she means everything to me."

It seems we live in a culture where long marriages are the exception, rather than the rule, and they deservedly make the news.   I am grateful for the example of my parents who were married for 62 years when my dad passed away in 2006.   And, this type of example can give inspiration to couples of all ages and stages, including those who are just starting out.

I am devoted to celebrating marriage, in an ages where marriages are facing a number of challenges and the definition of marriage is being threatened.  When you consider the sheer number of people, including Christians - including pastors, who were exposed recently for seeking out a relationship with someone other than their spouse, we need to concentrate on devotion and the importance of building our marriages on a strong foundation.   Ed Stetzer of LifeWay Research wrote this last week on his blog at ChristianityToday.com:

Based on my conversations with leaders from several denominations in the U.S. and Canada, I estimate that at least 400 church leaders (pastors, elders, staff, deacons, etc.) will be resigning Sunday. This is a significant moment of embarrassment for the church—and it should be.

Stetzer wrote another piece last week entitled, "Life is Eternal.  Don't Have an Affair."  This was a play off the slogan for Ashley Madison, the affair-enabling service.

So, our takeaways related to the story of the Baughmans...

They apparently avoided fights because they communicated well.   It seems matter-of-fact, but Richard said that if they encountered differences, they just talked.  They didn't avoid conflict, it seems, but they just worked those differences out.   And, through it all, they maintained a sense of togetherness.

So, communication is important, as was the attitude of perseverance, or resolve.  Their lives were not free from challenges - the financial struggles, the separation due to Richard's being called to serve in the war, the PTSD, the death of a son.  But, they walked together through those negative circumstances in life, not allowing themselves to be divided.   I think the Biblical principle of bearing one another's burdens is so relevant in marriage relationships - we have to be willing to listen, to provide encouragement, to go the extra mile, to do what we can in order to lift up our spouse and perhaps even to share their load.

The Baughmans achieved longevity, and they made the news for it.  I do believe those couples that go a long distance should be celebrated.  And, we can be reminded as Christians that when Jesus is Lord of our household and God is in the center of our marriage, we have the resources in order to grow in love and to stay together.