Curious?

There is a passage in Ecclesiastes 4 that has been used to refer to the marriage relationship and reminds us of the love, strength, and potential that married couples possess. We can read these words:
9 Two are better than one, Because they have a good reward for their labor.
10 For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, For he has no one to help him up.
11 Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm; But how can one be warm alone?
12 Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

The idea of the threefold cord reminds us that with God, all things are possible and that two people centered on Christ in marriage can withstand so much.  And, ideally, marriages, dating relationships, and engagements should all be Christ-honoring.  When we put God first in our relationships, we will see Him do amazing things - but it takes walking in the love of Christ, humility, sensitivity, and the awareness of God's presence.

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In Ephesians chapter 5, the apostle Paul is talking about humility toward one another in the body of Christ and shifts into the husband-wife relationship. He wraps up that moment of Scripture with this:
31 "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh."
32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

The last two mornings on Focus on the Family, heard weekdays at 8:30am on Faith Radio, Greg and Erin Smalley have been the guests.  Greg is the son of the late Gary Smalley and the Vice President of Marriage for Focus on the Family and Erin is also on staff as a spokesperson for the Marriage department.

I came across an article by Greg from eight years ago on the Focus website that provides some insight on how Valentine's Day can help couples to celebrate their relationship.  He included this anecdote in the piece about an encounter at the grocery store on Valentine's Day one year; he wrote:

Erin found herself at the grocery store. She bumped into a large display bucket full of flowers. Innocently, she thought about how beautiful the flowers were and decided to buy herself a bouquet.

He related that...

...Jim Daly, the president of Focus on the Family and my boss, was standing right behind her buying his wife a dozen long-stemmed, red roses. His only question to Erin was, “Why is your husband, the vice president of our marriage department, making you buy your own flowers?”

Since that day at the grocery store, Jim likes to “graciously” remind me (especially if we’re in front of large crowds) that I made my wife buy her own Valentine’s Day flowers.

A little back-story here: Greg had already asked Erin if she would rather have flowers or a gift card of equal value for Valentine's - she had already selected the gift card option!  He had another gift that he was planning to give her, as well.

Greg goes on to say: 

True romance isn’t about flowers, chocolate or the perfect candlelit dinner. These things can enhance romance, but they do not define it.

Instead, true romance is about curiosity, fascination and intrigue. It’s about being truly interested in your spouse and your spouse being captivated by you. True romance is a deep, life-long fascination with your mate.

He provides perspective for couples that may be experiencing "boredom" in their marriages; he says:

The initial excitement of getting to know your spouse when you were dating doesn’t have to fade. Boredom and routine don’t have to be your reality. All it takes is a decision to remain fascinated and interested in your husband or wife. Because your spouse and your marriage are always changing, there’s something to be discovered every day. This is exactly why I believe the greatest gift you can give your spouse on Valentine’s Day is the gift of curiosity.

Developing the art of curiosity is simple. Curiosity is the strong desire to know more about something or someone. The key is to daily pursue knowledge about your spouse. Ask questions. Seek out information. Deepen your understanding. Make your goal to “stay current” with your spouse.

God's mercies are "new every morning," and every day is a gift from God.  And, we should regard our mates as a gift from God. The days that we spend with our spouses can actually be a chance to know them even better and grow together with one another in the Lord. 

Those couples who are planning to get married or those who are in the dating realm can apply these principles of curiosity, as well.  The more you know your prospective spouse before your relationship grows serious and certainly prior to marriage, the fewer surprises you may encounter.  Sure, there will be the attraction and the emotion, but there should also be the preparation, the discussion, the learning. 

We also recognize that many gifts we give to one another don't come from the store.  Sure, be thoughtful in your selection of those material things.  But, be deliberate in the intangibles, as well - gifts of time, understanding, empathy, humility, and, as Greg Smalley suggests, curiosity.  Such efforts can serve us well as we continue to grow in our love for each other.