Together

Jesus stated some basic core principles about gender, sex, and marriage in a passage from Mark chapter 10; he said:
6 But from the beginning of the creation, God 'made them male and female.'
7 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife,
8 and the two shall become one flesh'; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh.
9 Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate."

This is very plain, and thought leaders and social media influencers ignore them at their peril.  Jesus taught that:

1) there are two genders - verse 6

2) a man will "leave" his father and mother and "be joined" to his wife - verse 7 - underscoring the incredible institution of marriage

3) marriage is a "one-flesh" relationship - verse 8

4) it is a sacred union joined together by God intended for permanence - verse 9.

These are very simple and profound principles and remind us that marriage is God's idea and if we operate in it according to His ways, we will see the power and blessing of God flow in our homes and families, which has a definitive impact on our culture.

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Following the creation of the universe and the placing of a man on the earth, we read this verse in Genesis 2:18:
18 And the Lord God said, "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him."

In verse 21, we pick up where God actually fulfilled this:
21 And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place.
22 Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man.
23 And Adam said: "This is now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man."
24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

A few weeks ago on The Meeting House, I featured a conversation with J.P. DeGance of the organization, Communio, which is devoted to helping strengthen marriages through empowering the Church to champion marriage.  Based on a study it had released, he lamented the decline of marriage, which has led to more loneliness, as well as fatherlessness, which has implications for passing faith to future generations.

What you could regard as a survey that is compatible with the data shared by Communio was commented on recently by professor and author Alex Chediak in a recent article on The Stream website.  He wrote, "As of 2021, one quarter of 40-year-olds in the United States had never married. That’s a record high, according to a Pew report...It’s up from 20% in 2010. In 1980, it was only 6%."  He posed this question and answer: "Are folks living together instead of marrying? In some cases, yes. But for the most part, no. As of last year, only 22% of never-married adults ages 40 to 44 were cohabiting."

He then related this sobering statistic: "...only about one-in-four 40-year-olds who had not married in 2001 had done so by age 60. Meaning most had not married."  

The implications, according to Chediak?

So, to put it bluntly, if you’re not married by 40, the odds are even that you never will be.

That’s concerning. Marriage goes along with higher levels of happiness, longevity, health, and wealth. Especially for men. Married households also provide the most stable environment for raising kids. Given the steep decline in marriage, it’s not surprising that we’re at just 1.7 births per female. That’s well below the replacement rate of 2.1.

But why?  He offers this:

But what’s up with the 42% drop in the marriage rate? Yeah, we can talk about birth control or the loss of Christian cultural influences. These have contributed to the decoupling of sex and marriage. There’s also the acceptability of cohabitation — even though social science data shows it’s more of a breeding ground for divorce than a preparation for marriage.

But behind these trends is a complete shift in mindset that puts marriage into a “someday, maybe” category as opposed to a goal worth pursuing with intentionality and care. We are rejecting God’s good design for our species.

The noted researcher Dr. Brad Wilcox was quoted; he said: “Young adults today are putting a lot more focus on education and work than they are on marriage and starting a family.” Chediak adds: "They know that the former will affect their success. But they don’t connect the dots on how a lifelong commitment to one person will be the single greatest predictor of their long-term happiness."  He wraps up the piece by saying:

There is a power within marriage to form us into the men and women that God designed us to be. Many have noticed that marriage revealed to them a level of selfishness they never knew they had. There’s an enormous, positive, character-shaping influence that comes from having another person intimately involved in your life. The intertwining of the two lives forces each to give at a deep level, and in giving, to receive. As C.S. Lewis once said, “I become my own only when I give myself to another.”

We need to speak of this power to the young adults in our circles, to celebrate strong marriages, and to help more households be formed and formed well.

The markers are there: marriage is related to success and long-term happiness.  But, as the writer of this piece relates, there is a worthwhile cost: one must give up his or her independence and freedom in order to experience the blessings of loving and being united with a mate for life.  

That has certainly been my wife, Beth's, and my experience over almost 33 years of marriage, which we celebrate in less than a month!  Through our love for God and each other, through our shared experiences, and through the pursuit of His best - together - we have seen the Lord move in powerful ways in and through us.  I believe I am a better person because of her; I can't imagine not having her in my life! 

But, the sense of rugged individualism that is prevalent in our society causes one to think he or she is better alone.  But, in Genesis, God said that was not good.  In fact, the article referenced something J.P. DeGance did in our conversation: the U.S. Surgeon General's recent findings on loneliness. The name of the report? Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation. Now, there are those that have a Biblical call to remain unmarried, as Chediak points out.  But, by and large, marriage is an institution, a concept ordained by God that He intends for our good.  The column states three "blessings" of it: 

One, a measure of protection from sexual immorality. Two, deep companionship in together reflecting God’s image as a male-female, one-flesh union. Three, the gift of children, at least in most cases. These children can be raised to love Jesus, bless society (contributing to the tax base), and take care of Mom and Dad when they’re old.

Marriage is intended for our good and for the good of a working society and it is the concept through which we grow in numbers - right now, we're below the "replacement rate."  The Church has a responsibility to help the culture change its thinking about this essential institution, which has been described as a building block.