Finding Refuge

Whatever causes us pain, in our times in which we feel discouraged or weak, we can recognize the nearness of God and rely on His strength. In 2nd Corinthians chapter 12, Paul is relating about what he terms a "thorn in the flesh," something he asked God to remove. In that chapter, we can find these words:
9 And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ's sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

In our times of discouragement, we can press into the Lord and call upon His name - we can be reminded of His presence with us and the strength that is available to be released within us. We can learn to rejoice, even when He might seem far away from us. When we experience loss, God is near to address the void that we feel. Through His Word and our fellowship with Him, we can be reminded that He has powerful resources that He alone can give. 

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When we suffer, we can continue to wait upon the Lord and trust Him with our future. We can know that He is near to us, even when we may not see the manifestation of His will. Habakkuk chapter 2 addresses our attitude during a season of waiting:
2 Then the Lord answered me and said: "Write the vision And make it plain on tablets, That he may run who reads it.
3 For the vision is yet for an appointed time; But at the end it will speak, and it will not lie. Though it tarries, wait for it; Because it will surely come, It will not tarry.
4 "Behold the proud, His soul is not upright in him; But the just shall live by his faith.

Daniel was only 30 when his wife passed away.  At The Christian Heart website, he shared about the journey that began at that point:

I was 30 years old when my wife, Lyndsie, went home to Heaven after a 10-year battle with cancer, leaving me with two young kids. I walked out of that Emergency Room on August 28, 2015 without her, wondering how I would explain to our kids that their momma would not be coming home. I couldn’t believe this was my reality.

In the weeks that followed, I was surrounded by people who loved me and my kids well. They sat with me, listened, brought meals, wrote encouraging notes, sent gift cards and helped with the kids. It was clear that our community was doing their best to hold me and the kids up, and we were so grateful for the ways they showed up for us. But as time went on, the outpouring of love slowed down to a trickle. Understandably, life went back to normal for most of them.

But, not unexpectedly, Daniel continued to struggle - he really desired another young widower to walk beside him or to become part of a like-minded community.  That did not come. He wrote:

I made an agreement with God that if He would bring widowers across my path, I would always do my best to walk alongside them so they wouldn’t have to walk alone through the loneliest season of their life.

Although I didn’t have a widower walking with me in that season, God was gracious to surround me a handful of people who committed to keep showing up in that painful and awkward season.

After two years, he remarried, and God began to develop in his heart and mind a community of widowers to provide encouragement for one another.  He stated:

Almost two years later, I remarried to Brittany, a young widow with three young children who entered her season of grief at almost the same time as me. Shortly after our wedding, I met a widower my age named Davey, and our first conversation went on for hours. I always thought I was the only one experiencing these feelings but my time with him made me realize that I wasn’t the only one navigating the twists and turns of grief. Davey understood the unique pain of a young widower, including raising children as a solo parent. It was incredibly helpful.

Over time, God started putting more young widowers in my path. Almost all of them had similar experiences of being surrounded by loving friends and family, but not by widowers who understood their struggles. It became clear that widowers everywhere were walking on their own through the hardest season of their life.

That brought to mind the promise that Daniel had made to the Lord; he said, "I remembered what I had promised God during some of my earliest days of grief: to walk alongside other young widowers if given the chance." So, a ministry was formed, called, Refuge Widowers. Daniel said: "Our mission was focused on bringing together a faith-based community of widowers who point each other to Jesus, give authentic encouragement, share trail-tested insights, and commit to not wasting their pain."

One of the initiatives of the ministry is the three-day retreat.  Daniel wrote:

We’re not way ahead of these guys, shouting encouragement back to them. We are up close, guiding them towards Jesus in practical ways.

We teach them how to tell their story in a way that honors their wife and points others to Jesus, especially since many widowers are asked to share their story on various platforms.

We help them navigate their relationships with God, their children and extended family, as well as offer guidance regarding spiritual growth, rest, accountability, healthy routines, discipline, and even dating with kids and remarriage.

This story can provide a reminder for us that God demonstrates His sufficiency, even in our times of loss. He provides the resources we need when we are deficient - and in our weakness, as 2nd Corinthians chapter 12 reminds us, He is our strength.  

We can also recognize that the fulfillment of God's call is not always immediate.  Daniel sensed that God was calling him to bring men in a similar situation to his together, but it didn't manifest itself until later. In our humanity, we can want to bring about God's will in our timing.  Yet, God desires for us to wait on Him, so that His plan is brought to pass in His timing, in His way.