2I will open my mouth in a parable; I will utter dark sayings of old,3Which we have heard and known, And our fathers have told us.4We will not hide them from their children, Telling to the generation to come the praises of the Lord, And His strength and His wonderful works that He has done.
We regard our spouses and our children as gifts from God, and we are called to live out our Christian faith in front of the people who see us most and may know us the best. The home is an incredible training ground, even an incubator, where we can grow together in Christ, and where parents have the high responsibility to model and teach Biblical principles that can impact the next generation. We're not just here on this earth to live for ourselves - God has called each of us to live out our faith and to impart that faith to those He has entrusted to our care.
In Ephesians 6, the chapter begins with these admonitions to children and their parents:
1Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.2"Honor your father and mother," which is the first commandment with promise:3"that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth."4And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.
Just a few verses later, Paul is talking about spiritual warfare and putting on the full armor of God - maybe there's a relationship, because we have to be strong in the Spirit these days in order to fight for our families.
Perhaps you've been following this truly heartbreaking story out of New Jersey involving an 18-year old honor student and the lawsuit she has filed - against her parents!! The student, Rachel Canning, alleges in her lawsuit that her parents forced her out of their Lincoln Park, New Jersey home, and that she is unable to support herself financially. CNN reports that the lawsuit asks that her parents pay the remaining tuition for her last semester at her private high school, pay her current living and transportation expenses, commit to paying her college tuition and pay her legal fees for the suit she filed against her parents.
Her parents say she left home because she didn't want to obey their rules. A hearing was held this past Tuesday, at which Judge Peter Bogaard denied the request for high school tuition and current living expenses in New Jersey State Superior Court. Another hearing will be held in April on other issues in the suit, including whether Canning left home of her own accord, the judge said. The story says that the judge denied the request for the last semester of high school tuition because the school said she could continue anyway, since she is an honor student. The judge posed the question, ""Do we want to establish a precedent where parents live in basic fear of establishing rules of the house?" He added, according to NJ.com, that allowing the emergency order "would represent essentially a new law or a new way of interpreting an existing law...A kid could move out and then sue for an XBox, an iPhone or a 60-inch television."
The CNN story reports that Rachel said in court documents she had to leave her parents' home because of emotional and psychological abuse, alleging, among other things, that her mother called her "fat" and "porky" and that her father threatened to beat her. The state's child protection agency found that allegations of abuse were unfounded.
The father, former Lincoln Park, New Jersey, police chief Sean Canning, told CNN affiliate WCBS that he and his wife are "distraught." He said, "We're being sued by our child. I'm dumbfounded. So is my wife. So are my other daughters...Living in our house, there's very few things. There's minor chores, there's curfews. When I say curfew, it's usually after 11 o'clock at night."
Sean Canning wrote in court documents that the family with whom his daughter is now living and who are paying Rachel's legal bills has "enabled the situation to an absurd level. Under the guise of good intentions, they have arrogantly placed themselves in our stead and operated under the belief that their parenting style is superior to our own." Rachel Canning seeks a court's official declaration that she is unemancipated, meaning her parents would still be required to support her financially. She also is suing to reimburse her friend's parents for legal fees that they have been paying since the lawsuit was initiated, according to the suit.
She had been suspended from school for truancy last October, according to court documents filed by her parents' attorney. Her parents told the teen that she could no longer see her boyfriend, who was also suspended from school. Car and phone privileges were also taken away. Once she learned of the punishment, Canning cut school again and then decided to run away, her father said in court documents.
Just a few verses later, Paul is talking about spiritual warfare and putting on the full armor of God - maybe there's a relationship, because we have to be strong in the Spirit these days in order to fight for our families.
Perhaps you've been following this truly heartbreaking story out of New Jersey involving an 18-year old honor student and the lawsuit she has filed - against her parents!! The student, Rachel Canning, alleges in her lawsuit that her parents forced her out of their Lincoln Park, New Jersey home, and that she is unable to support herself financially. CNN reports that the lawsuit asks that her parents pay the remaining tuition for her last semester at her private high school, pay her current living and transportation expenses, commit to paying her college tuition and pay her legal fees for the suit she filed against her parents.
Her parents say she left home because she didn't want to obey their rules. A hearing was held this past Tuesday, at which Judge Peter Bogaard denied the request for high school tuition and current living expenses in New Jersey State Superior Court. Another hearing will be held in April on other issues in the suit, including whether Canning left home of her own accord, the judge said. The story says that the judge denied the request for the last semester of high school tuition because the school said she could continue anyway, since she is an honor student. The judge posed the question, ""Do we want to establish a precedent where parents live in basic fear of establishing rules of the house?" He added, according to NJ.com, that allowing the emergency order "would represent essentially a new law or a new way of interpreting an existing law...A kid could move out and then sue for an XBox, an iPhone or a 60-inch television."
The CNN story reports that Rachel said in court documents she had to leave her parents' home because of emotional and psychological abuse, alleging, among other things, that her mother called her "fat" and "porky" and that her father threatened to beat her. The state's child protection agency found that allegations of abuse were unfounded.
Sean Canning wrote in court documents that the family with whom his daughter is now living and who are paying Rachel's legal bills has "enabled the situation to an absurd level. Under the guise of good intentions, they have arrogantly placed themselves in our stead and operated under the belief that their parenting style is superior to our own." Rachel Canning seeks a court's official declaration that she is unemancipated, meaning her parents would still be required to support her financially. She also is suing to reimburse her friend's parents for legal fees that they have been paying since the lawsuit was initiated, according to the suit.
She had been suspended from school for truancy last October, according to court documents filed by her parents' attorney. Her parents told the teen that she could no longer see her boyfriend, who was also suspended from school. Car and phone privileges were also taken away. Once she learned of the punishment, Canning cut school again and then decided to run away, her father said in court documents.
Hmmm - as the parent of two teenagers, this story definitely strikes a chord with me. And, while it's important to note that no parent has the right to abuse their child, that is apparently not what's going on here. There is a fractured relationship in this family, and determining who's to blame is difficult. Let us ponder just a few points that perhaps we can consider in our own lives.
First of all, I have to refer to the Fox News headline, which begins "Entitlement Generation..." This child, or really a young adult of 18, in my estimation has no right to a private school education or to have her living expense or college education paid for. She wants it both ways - to live as if she were emancipated, but to be declared unemancipated, to live as if her parents were obligated to support her. She sought out this freedom because apparently she had some problems with parental authority, but she still wants the benefits of her parents' provision. I think as parents we have to be careful of the messages that are being sent to the current generation of young people and be sure that we are not enabling those principles in our homes. While as responsible parents, we want to provide for our kids, it's important they do not see parental provision as some sort of "right". Training our kids to have a strong work ethic and to exercise personal responsibility are great "real world" principles that can serve them well. Remember what Dennis Rainey says about training our kids Biblically so that we can release them into the world at the proper time.
In addition, the Bible says that fathers are not to provoke their children. That does not exempt us from providing strong, Christ-centered direction for them. I remember some of my conversations with John Rosemond on my program in the past, as he related how we are to exercise our authority with firmness and confidence. But, I certainly don't believe that gives us the license to react in anger or to be unreasonably authoritarian. We always should seek to be compassionately involved in the lives of our children, especially in the teen years.
Finally, I think this family situation is a sobering reminder to us that there are enormous pressures on the family unit these days. When necessary, we as parents can go to a variety of resources that are available to us, the most significant of which is God's Word. We can also seek out help from other parents or church leadership. We have to be aware of the warning signs that are present in the lives of our young people, and be prepared to lend a helping hand to families around us that are experiencing tension in their homes. We need God's strength in order to navigate the parental challenges that exist in a culture that is sending messages to the next generation that are not necessarily consistent with our deeply-held beliefs.
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