Thursday, August 21, 2014

Building the Home the Right Way

I really, really like the parable of the sower from Mark 4, where Jesus teaches Biblical principles related to sowing and reaping.   We recognize that present choices can determine future success - how we choose to follow God now can certainly determine the trajectory of our lives.   Jesus said in verse 14 that,
14The sower sows the word.
Then He proceeded to talk about four types of soil:  seeds sown by the wayside, which are stolen by the enemy.  There are the seeds on stony ground, without root, but are stolen due to tribulation or persecution.  Also, you have seeds sown among thorns, which are choked by the cares of this world, the deceitfulness of riches, and desires for other things.  And, then in verse 20:20 But these are the ones sown on good ground, those who hear the word, accept it, and bear fruit: some thirtyfold, some sixty, and some a hundred."
So we can examine ourselves - Are we living by the Word?  Are we making choices daily that reflect our trust in Christ, which can impact our relationship with Him in the future and help to determine the amount of spiritual fruit that we are producing?  The course of our lives is determined by the choices we make.  Fortunately, there is redemption available when we take the wrong path, and that's a wonderful promise!   But, the Lord would intend for us to seek Him and to plant good seed in our hearts, so that we can be people who experience the best that He has for us.
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The choices we make today can affect our future tomorrow, and what we are experiencing today could actually be the result of how we have approached areas of our lives in the past.   Proverbs 3 says:
5Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding;6In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths. 

There's a new study of marriage that has been released that confirms the importance of how you bulid a marriage relationship.  This new study, from the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia in Charlottesville, indicates that the more relationships you had prior to your marriage, the less likely you are to report a high-quality marriage.  And, interestingly enough, the more people who attend your wedding to share in the launch of your marriage, the better the chances you will have a happy marriage years down the road.

The study challenges the general notion that what happens in one’s younger years, before marriage, stays there and doesn’t impact the remainder of one’s life.

The study notes that past experiences, especially when it comes to love, sex and children, are associated with future marital quality. Those who have had more romantic experiences – for example, more sexual or cohabiting partners – are less likely to forge a high-quality marriage than those with a less complex romantic history, found the researchers.

Study co-author Galena K. Rhoades, is quoted as saying, “In most areas, more experience is better. You’re a better job candidate with more experience, not less. When it comes to relationship experience, though, we found that having more experience before getting married was associated with lower marital quality.”

More experience may increase one’s awareness of alternative partners, the researchers speculate. People who have had many relationships prior to their current one can compare a present partner to their prior partners in many areas – like conflict management, dating style, physical attractiveness, sexual skills, communication ability and so on. Marriage involves leaving behind other options, which may be harder to do with a lot of experience. 

Rhoades also said that more relationship experiences prior to marriage also means more experience breaking up, which may make for a more jaundiced view of love and relationships. It’s also possible that some people have personality characteristics that both increase their odds of having many relationship experiences and decrease their odds of marital success, she added.

Another area that the study looked at was the relationship between the number of guests at a wedding and the amount of marital satisfaction.  47 percent of those who had 150 guests or more at their wedding reported high marital quality.

W. Bradford Wilcox, director of the National Marriage Project, is quoted as saying, "One possibility here is that couples with larger networks of friends and family may have more help, and encouragement, in navigating the challenges of married life. Note, however, this finding is not about spending lots of money on a wedding party, it's about having a good number of friends and family in your corner.” 

Study co-author Scott Stanley added, “Our bottom-line advice to Americans hoping to marry is this: Remember that what you do before you say ‘I do’ may shape your odds of forging a successful marital future."

This is consistent with the clear Biblical principle that you reap what you sow.  We recognize that if we indulge the flesh, there will be negative consequences that will be produced.  In marriage, or in the host of choices that we make in our lives, if we make the incorrect choices, if we knowingly depart from the ways of God, then in so many instances, we have to lives with those choices.

But, in the Lord, there is hope that we can reverse the ill effects of incorrect choices.  A marriage, for instance, that starts out on a shaky foundation as the result of errant relationship choices can still be redeemed and be strong, if a couple is willing to submit to the control of the Holy Spirit and to grow in their love for one another.  Recognizing that past choices can determine future consequences is important, and there may be tendencies from each spouse that have to be dealt with in a strong way.  But, forgiveness from the Lord is possible.  If we follow God's principles in marriage, any marriage can be successful and honoring to God.  

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