"Divorce Month?" Be On Guard.

In Ecclesiastes 9, Solomon, who had asked the Lord to give him a heart of wisdom, who was regarded as incredibly wise, offers some practical principles for our lives.  Picking up in verse 7, we
can read:
7 Go, eat your bread with joy, And drink your wine with a merry heart; For God has already accepted your works.
8 Let your garments always be white, And let your head lack no oil.
9 Live joyfully with the wife whom you love all the days of your vain life which He has given you under the sun, all your days of vanity; for that is your portion in life, and in the labor which you perform under the sun.
10 Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might; for there is no work or device or knowledge or wisdom in the grave where you are going.

There are several components that he points to here - one is the concept of abiding joy.  He says we should be joyful because God has accepted our works - this points to the unconditional love of God, in which we can rejoice.  He also calls us to purity - which is a work of the Holy Spirit.  And, he says to live joyfully with your wife.  The Lord has made it possible for us to enjoy rich marriages that reflect His glory, providing satisfaction and affirmation as we develop a sense of living in His love and walking together through life.

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There's a passage in Proverbs 5 that speaks to marital faithfulness and trusting the Lord in your marriage relationship:
15 Drink water from your own cistern, And running water from your own well.
16 Should your fountains be dispersed abroad, Streams of water in the streets?
17 Let them be only your own, And not for strangers with you.
18 Let your fountain be blessed, And rejoice with the wife of your youth.

There's a piece I found on the Christian Examiner website that paints a rather gloomy picture about the state of marriage during the month of January.   The headline reads: "Don't be another January statistic."  The piece by Tobin Perry cites The Guardian, a UK publication, which reports on new research predicting divorce inquiries will climb by more than 300 percent during January.

The research was provided by Co-operative Legal Services in the United Kingdom and suggests there will be a 332 percent rise in divorces in January as compared to the previous four months.  And, these couples aren't getting divorced because of the stress of the holidays either.

Sam Hickman, the head of family law at Co-operative Legal Services, is quoted as saying: "We know from our research that this anticipated surge in inquiries is not as a result of Christmas being the straw that broke the camel's back," adding, "The decision to separate is not taken lightly and couples have already considered divorcing for a number of months and hold off announcing their plans until after the festive period, mainly to avoid upset among family members."

That organization also commissioned a study of 500 divorcees about what led to the dissolution of their marriages. The Guardian reports that women were more likely than men to initiate the conversation about separation.

Adultery was the most common reason for filing for divorce—cited by 51 percent of respondents. "Falling out of love" and arguing more frequently were other key contributors mentioned.

Regarding why couples wait until after the holidays, 43 percent of those surveyed said they specifically did not want to spoil family celebrations. A third of respondents wanted to have one last Christmas together as a family. One in ten respondents didn't want to upset others, according to The Guardian.

The Christian Examiner story also mentioned that last January, The New York Post reported findings by a number of U.S. organizations that are similar to the UK results.   According to RPG Life Transition Specialists, an advisory firm, there was a "roughly one-third increase in divorce filings, due to families opting to stay united over the holidays."

The article also referred to a past FindLaw.com press release that said January has long been called "Divorce Month," and reported that a 2008 to 2011 analysis of divorce filings across the United States showed a definitive spike in January, but the filings continue to rise through a peak in March.

I would say that because of Valentine's Day, February has been designated as a month for placing greater emphasis on marriage, but these statistics may indicate that there is a need for attention at the beginning of the year. To theorize a little bit, I would think, based on this research, that couples may have identified the fractures in their relationships, skated through the holidays with that mindset, and then after the parties and the presents are done, that is the default for the beginning of the year.  So, that decision has become cemented.

This points to a couple of things about the importance of preserving marriage.  And, I would say that the preservation of marriage, which is a work that couples need to invite the Holy Spirit to be a part of, is a Biblical goal, a worthy pursuit.

And, couples have to be very attentive to the fault lines that grow within their marriage relationships. If conflict becomes a way of life and those seeds of division and bitterness are allowed to grow, then the marriage is in danger of disintegration.   So, it's important to take steps to identify areas of conflict and to resolve those conflicts quickly and effectively.

Finally, it's important that you don't get stuck in that default position of accepting that a marriage is stuck in neutral or less than God would intend it to be.   My interpretation of these statistics would be that many married couples allowed themselves to slip into a state of being at odds with each other, which of course can contribute to martial unfaithfulness or the sense of "falling out of love" that respondents reported.  It's important to identify those problem areas and rely on God's Word and power to restore a marriage relationship.