New Norm, But Not God's Best

The institution of marriage was established by God when Adam and Eve were dwelling in the garden - the relationship was defined as one man and one women, and the Bible teaches that the two would become one flesh.  Ecclesiastes 9 says:
9 Live joyfully with the wife whom you love all the days of your vain life which He has given you under the sun, all your days of vanity; for that is your portion in life, and in the labor which you perform under the sun.

Our marriages have the potential to be sources of great joy for us.   But, unfortunately, there are too many cultural trends that can interrupt and apprehend that joy.   That applies to marriage and so many other areas of our lives.  We simply must guard against our joy in the Lord being taken away.   Joy is a fruit of the Holy Spirit, and the life God intends for us is a life of joy, despite circumstances, despite the internal struggles.  We can hold on to that sustaining joy that He offers.

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In Ephesians 5, Paul outlines the dynamics of the marriage relationship, likening it to the relationship between Christ and His bride, the Church:
30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones.
31 "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh."
32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

The summary of a new Barna Group survey begins with these startling words: "Cohabitation is the new norm."  Some statistics to support that:

The majority of American adults believe cohabitation is generally a good idea. Two thirds of adults (65%) either strongly or somewhat agree that it’s a good idea to live with one’s significant other before getting married, compared to one-third (35%) who either strongly or somewhat disagree.

The summary points out that:

Most Christian teaching on pre-marital relationships encourages abstinence and other boundaries that tend to exclude cohabitation, and the data reflects these beliefs. Practicing Christians (41%) are highly unlikely to believe cohabitation is a good idea, and the stark contrast with those who identify as having no faith (88%) further demonstrates the acute impact of religious belief on views regarding cohabitation.

Millennials, at 72%, are twice as likely as Elders to believe cohabitation is a good idea.

Unfortunately, almost 6-in-10 of those surveyed say they either currently live together or have lived with a girlfriend or boyfriend.

Now, when parents were polled about whether or not they would want their children to cohabit, 44% of adults would be OK with it, but 40 percent would not. On the strongest ends of the spectrum, respondents were more likely to say “no, definitely not,” at 24%, than “yes, absolutely,” at 16%.

Roxanne Stone, editor in chief at Barna Group, states: “America is well beyond the tipping point when it comes to cohabitation,” adding, “Living together before marriage is no longer an exception, but instead has become an accepted and expected milestone of adulthood."

Stone says that, "Religious leaders will need to promote the countercultural trend by celebrating the reasons to wait."  She says some questions that could be posed are: "What are the spiritual reasons for waiting? How does waiting promote better discipleship? Better marriages? A better family life? These are the questions that young people, in particular, will need answered in order to resist the cultural tide toward cohabitation."

Dr. Juli Slattery, writing for the Today's Christian Woman website in a piece from June 2014, said:

In spite of those who say cohabitation is a wise test drive, the research indicates that living together before marriage may actually increase your risk for divorce in the future. Many experts believe that t.he "squishy" approach toward commitment represented by cohabitation sets a couple up for bailing on marriage when things get difficult. Holding sexual fidelity and the marriage covenant as sacred before God impacts your willingness to work through the challenges of life together.

Research also indicates that couples living together are more likely to experience sexual unfaithfulness, domestic violence, and higher levels of relational unhappiness. If you are living with your boyfriend with the hope to avoid heartbreak, you are likely setting yourself up for failure.

In the piece, she links to a 2008 piece on the Focus on the Family website from Glenn Stanton.

There are multiple concepts that one can draw from these surveys.  Number 1 is marriage is still God's best way, His designed way for one man and one woman to relate in a one-flesh relationship.  The Bible teaches abstinence before marriage and fidelity in marriage.  Despite the cultural winds that would attempt to redefine the principles of sexuality and marriage, His prescribed way remains consistent.

But, as the Barna Group survey indicates, we know what the Church is up against in attempting to uphold Biblical principles.  And, as the summary can remind us, it can be beneficial to talk about and teach the Biblical reasons to wait.  Marriage is a reflection of the relationship between Christ and the church, according to Ephesians 5, and we do best in walking in that by following wholeheartedly His principles.  The culture will glamorize premarital sex and cohabitation, but in the Christian worldview, we do well to celebrate and promote the elements that make marriage great!