Unequally Yoked

Discernment is a critical part of the Christian life, and the Bible gives specific instructions regarding
those who refuse to follow Christ, or who walk in deception. 2nd Timothy chapter 3 tells us:
13 But evil men and impostors will grow worse and worse, deceiving and being deceived.
14 But you must continue in the things which you have learned and been assured of, knowing from whom you have learned them,
15 and that from childhood you have known the Holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus.

God certainly does not save us and tell us to be separated or isolated from unbelievers; but He also calls us to a different walk - through that walk, we can demonstrate to those who don't know Him what it means to love and follow Christ.  We do have to guard our spirits and not allow ourselves to be led astray by ideas and ideologies that don't line up with the teachings of Scripture, allowing the Holy Spirit to guide our relationships.

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While we are not called to avoid those who don't know Christ; after all, how can they be won if they are isolated from believers - there is a guiding principle about certain relationships with non-
believers, as we see in 2nd Corinthians 6:
14 Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?
15 And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever?
16 And what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For you are the temple of the living God. As God has said: "I will dwell in them And walk among them. I will be their God, And they shall be My people."

The marriage relationship is at the core of God's plan for His world, and is a foundational building block for an orderly society.  God has ordained marriage, and desires for it to operate according to His principles.

I would say that the person one marries is selected through the process of dating.  Now, there are other means, such as courtship, that are implemented.  And even in some cultures, the parents select the mates and there is very little or no dating involved.  But, in America, you will way more than likely marry someone you have dated.

There's a new study out that shows that Christian young people are serious about placing a Christian filter on their date-ees.  It was done by a group called Teleios Research, and, according to Relevant magazine, "asked nearly 1,800 Christians under the age of 35 about their thoughts on dating and marriage." The article says:

Some of the results aren’t all that surprising. For example, most said “the primary biblical purpose of marriage is to represent the relationship between Christ and the church.” A majority also “believed that marrying an unbeliever is not likely to fulfill God’s will in marriage.”

And, it says “Half (51%) indicated they believe a Christian should never become romantically involved with an unbeliever.”  You could look at that statistic in kind of a "half-empty," "half-full" point of view.  Yes, it's good that just over half of Christians believed they should not be in a dating relationship with non-Christians.  But, then, you could say it's not so good that almost half of Christians think it's OK.

When you look at the Teleios website, you see some more specific numbers. For instance, we can see that just about 7-in-10 believe that the "primary biblical purpose of marriage is to represent the relationship between Christ and the church."  And, just about 3-in-4 say that marriage to an unbeliever will not likely fulfill the will of God for marriage.  The study summary also says:

The majority of respondents (66%) who had dated a non-Christian said that their romantic relationship had been somewhat to very negative. Further, 25% indicated their own faith became worse in a romantic relationship with an unbeliever. In contrast, 40% of participants claimed their partner’s faith did not improve during the relationship, while only 5% stated that their companion became a Christian by faith in Christ. Further, a vast majority would not recommend Christians become romantically involved with an unbeliever (74%).

The co-founder of Teleios, Dr. William Stewart, stated, "The love, devotion, and deference between a believing husband and wife reflects the loving relationship between Christ and His church. The primary goal of Christian marriage is to attract unbelievers to the gospel. This is not possible by dating or marrying an unbeliever. Such relationships result in a negative, or at a minimum an unfulfilling, outcome. Christians should marry Christians!”

The marriage decision is certainly life-altering, and should be entered into with great care and prayer. And, the concept of spiritual compatibility should be explored.  It's a principal factor to consider, which has implications for the future of a marriage and the fulfillment of God's purpose for it.  There are specific instructions in Scripture that can be followed in a marriage that is rooted in the love of Christ, and if one spouse is seeking God seriously and one is not, that can be disruptive.

Also, the concept of being unequally yoked is important, and applies to not only marriage, but in other relationships, as well.  If you have different worldviews at play, that will certainly impact the decisions that are made.

Overall, there is the possibility that people will come to Christ in the context of relationships, but, as this study suggests, there is caution to be exercised in considering marrying an unbeliever - it may not be the best tool to win that person to the Lord.