Married to the Ministry

As we approach October, which is Pastor and Staff Appreciation Month, we recognize the importance of honoring those whom God has placed in spiritual leadership in our lives; those who speak His truth and who model His character. 1st Timothy 5 states:
17 Let the elders who rule well be counted worthy of double honor, especially those who labor in the word and doctrine.
18 For the Scripture says, "You shall not muzzle an ox while it treads out the grain," and, "The laborer is worthy of his wages."

The Church is set up with certain functionality, a spiritual hierarchy, if you will, in which leaders have a certain calling; and many of them have a spouse who walks beside them in performing the duties of that call.  They have the challenge to live out their devotion to Christ in how they respond and relate to their families, as well.  There is enormous responsibility for pastoral or ministry families, and congregations do well to recognize that and honor them, attempting to build them up and support them.

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In Titus 2, Paul outlines some of the proper roles in the church, as men and women seek to be people
of godly character, reflecting Christ - and this includes those in spiritual leadership:
1 But as for you, speak the things which are proper for sound doctrine:
2 that the older men be sober, reverent, temperate, sound in faith, in love, in patience;
3 the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things--
4 that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children,
5 to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.
6 Likewise exhort the young men to be sober-minded...

Pastor and Staff Appreciation Month is coming up in October, and it reminds congregation members to show how much their spiritual leaders mean to them.  There are all sorts of creative things that you can do, and you can check out FaithRadio.org to link to some ideas and to request that we send a card of appreciation to members of the church staff.  Just click on Pastor and Staff Appreciation Month in the Events section.

Today, for our "Survey Thursday," I want to begin to look at a series of surveys concerning our church leaders.  LifeWay Research has released a new survey that looks at the attitudes of the spouses of pastors, and I think there's some important information here.

According to the study summary, "LifeWay Research’s survey focused mainly on spouses of a senior pastor or solo pastor at Protestant churches from a variety of denominations." Most are married to full-time pastors, and just over half have children at home.

Here are some key findings:

• 93 percent believe their spouse is a good fit for the present church.
• 90 percent think ministry has had a positive effect on their family.
• 85 percent say, “The church we serve takes good care of us.”
• 83 percent enjoy their ministry work.
• 79 percent are satisfied with their role in ministry.

But, there are some areas of concern. For instance, 72 percent say their spouse has experienced resistance in the church. And, just under 7-in-10 say that they have "few people they can confide in." 59 percent say that family time is limited, as the result of church commitments.

Money is a major issue, with just over two-thirds worried about not having enough money for retirement.  Just over a-third worry about not making ends meet every month.

And, many pastors' spouses feel isolated.  62 percent say that can count on their spouse "a great deal" when they are under stress.  But, only 10 percent say they can count on friends at church.

In the summary article, Kathy Litton, a national consultant for pastors’ spouses at the Southern Baptist Convention’s North American Mission Board, who lives in Alabama, is quoted. She says that churches "...feel like their family needs to be perfect,” adding, “When congregations paint that picture for you, that’s a lot of pressure.”

She also says, “Pastors and their spouses don’t need to try to keep up appearances at church or at home,” adding “It’s especially critical for our kids to see us as human frail parents who need Jesus and the gospel like anyone else. Our homes need to be places of vulnerability and reality.”

The article also states:

The LifeWay Research study did provide clues for how pastors’ spouses can thrive in their roles. Those who feel a strong sense of personal call to ministry tend to be more satisfied with their role. Those who have strong marriages and friends they can count on also are more likely to thrive.

The summary also says:

A sense of calling to ministry is key, said Litton. It’s hard to survive as a pastor’s spouse without it, she said.

“The ones who struggle are the ones who don’t feel a sense of call,” she said. “There’s no safe place for them to talk about that.”

Pastors and the spouses can also thrive by putting their own family—not the church—first, said Mark Dance, director of LifeWay Pastors. It’s a model that other couples in the church can follow.

In conclusion, the story says: "Despite the complicated nature of their lives, ministry remains rewarding for many pastors’ spouses."  Scott McConnell, Executive Director of LifeWay Research, says: “They feel a sense of joy and satisfaction in their work,” adding, “And they see that as a blessing.”

Big takeaway: as you are prone to show affirmation and appreciation for your pastor, it's important that you also recognize the contribution of your pastor's spouse.   As Kathy Litton points out, there is a call upon the mate, as well, and ministry couples, I believe, function as a team. I believe it would be very difficult to function well in ministry without a supportive mate.

It's also good to see the high numbers for spouses who feel they are well taken care of by their churches.  Overwhelming percentages believe their spouse is a good fit for the church and that ministry has a positive effect on their family.  But, pastoral couples do have challenges in putting family first.  I wanted to mention that FamilyLife offers a pastoral scholarship for senior pastors or full-time associate pastors for the Weekend to Remember Marriage Getaway.  Learn more through the FamilyLife.com website.  And, through next Monday, FamilyLife is offering 50% off the registration price for everyone - just enter the code, SAVE50 when you go to WeekendToRemember.com.  That includes Destin November 3-5 and Montgomery February 9-11.  And, in Montgomery, for the first time ever, the event will be at the Renaissance hotel downtown.

So, hopefully, we can be more aware of the mindset and challenges facing not only church leaders, but their spouses, as well.  We can admit that we cannot expect that pastor's family to be perfect, we recognize the fallibility; but we also can pay attention and reflect on how God uses the pastor and the ministry spouse as vessels through whom He will speak and work.