Preservation

Jesus died for all sinners and He has established His Church. He continues to demonstrate His love for us.  His relationship to the Church is symbolized through the relationship between husband and wife, and there is a great passage on which we can reflect in Ephesians 5:
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,
26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word,
27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.

I have been given a wonderful gift in my wife, with whom I celebrate 30 years of marriage today!  We have developed a deep love for one another, and it is predicated on the love of Christ, which is a sacrificial love; in fact, the whole Kingdom of God is founded on the principle of servanthood - in a marriage, we are called to serve one another, we are directed to walk in humility.  And, God will be exalted in a home as we are willing to adopt His mindset.

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In the book of Proverbs in the 18th chapter, we find two verses that I believe go quite well together. I will read them in reverse order. First, it's verse 22:
22 He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the Lord.

That is a great reminder about the importance of marriage, ordained by God, and how we as men can regard our wives as a gift.

Now, one of the tremendous ways that everyone can show our spouses our love for them is to remember to communicate properly. The preceding verse states:
21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit.

Today is a day of celebration - in my marriage to Beth, we have celebrated quite a few wedding anniversaries, and we have reached one of those milestones today. 30 years of marriage! I am truly a blessed man - to have a beautiful, godly, incredible woman to stand with me and walk with me for these many years whom I love so very much. So, we do give glory to God for what He has done!

As you may know, I write a monthly column for River Region's Journey Magazine, and on the occasion of 25 years, I wrote a piece of reflection on what has contributed to a marriage that has worked.  The main points were:

1) You have to make sure that you are dedicated to make a marriage last.

2) I also think that you have to be intentional in communication.

3) We have to be intentional in communication - with God.

4) Recognize in our marriages that we are called to serve one another.

5) I think it’s important that we recognize God has called us together as a team.

I also said that, "We also recognize the spiritual elements that can be detrimental to a marriage. Satan is devoted to dividing and bringing discord. We have to recognize when our homes are under attack and take the necessary steps to see God’s victory released in our homes."

But, I do believe that the pressure that is brought to bear on a marriage can certainly serve to make it stronger.  And, perhaps couples like never before, in the midst of this pandemic, are experiencing enormous pressure and difficulty.  It could very well be that the enemy is working overtime to destroy marriages.  I had a guest, Darren Carrington, from the Rock Church in San Diego, who was on the program just last week to discuss these "pandemic pressures."

Carlos Santiago of FamilyLife wrote a relevant piece for FamilyLife recently, in which he recounted a time a few years ago when the department for which he worked was determined to be "non-essential." He writes:

In this environment, small cracks in our relationships can easily widen and large ones feel insurmountable.

When I first was laid off, our marriage was in a good place. But my presence began to upend the routine and rhythm of our home. After a while, I started to sense an unspoken “I’d prefer it if you weren’t here.”

I knew my wife loved me, but I struggled to find a place in my own home. 

His first point: Don't take it personally.  He writes, "That snippy tone coming your way is probably not about you. Be patient while you find yourself confined."

He adds, "Instead of responding negatively, take a moment to recognize the stress your spouse is feeling. And if you want to disarm the situation, offer to help."

Santiago, like Carrington, does observe that a timeout may be in order. Santiago even says that, "Preemptive time outs are an excellent way to relieve pressure and stop a fight before it starts."  He also encourages couples to "make memories" together and to use this time during the pandemic to "invest" in your marriage.  The Santiagos began to have a daily "coffee time" together, a practice that they have continued.  Beth and I have set aside "special time" each day when I come home from work to reconnect - even when we had kids in the house, that was a time that we made a priority; they would just have to wait!

In summary, in navigating the challenging road that marriages can face, we have to remember who called our marriage into existence, who actually came up with the concept - God Himself, the One who is able to sustain our marriages and to bring incredible love and fruitfulness to our homes.  We can rely on Him to help us navigate the inevitable challenges that we will encounter. Keeping focused on Him is paramount to seeing Jesus glorified in our marriages.